grawr!

i feel....FRUSTRATED!!!

i know, i know. things take time. things will not always go the way you want them to. you can't have everything you want all at the same time. but still, it frustrates me.

if i could just stop being anxious all the time. not analyzing everything and just letting things as they are. i have been on vacation for what? almost five months?!? what the heck am i doing with my life? i should be out there! but instead i am trapped in this red brick box. oh i remember, i chose this. which makes it even more frustrasting. i can't blame anyone else but me. grrr!!!

it's just that its so hard to decide. i mean, i could think of a million things that i would like to do with my life but i don't really know where to start. i wish financial independence is not a big factor to consider. it is so easy to say that everything will fall into place at the right time but then you never really know.

will i turn out to be the person i wanted to become? or will i just be a product of what is available here and now?
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the carpenter: a parable

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker goand asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart wasnot in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key tothe carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you." The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project,"someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!

Remember........
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody is watching.

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i miss my old optimistic self, by the way. i think she also went on a looong vacation. i better get her back. pronto! i want my house to have a pool. Ü