get me out of this concentration camp!

i just can't believe it!?! i'm almost out of hell. (cue: evil laugh) and yet here i am still suffering, on a Sunday, frantically typing and editing the annual report for the year that has passed. what a waste of excellent time for couch potato activities! tsk tsk.

i have mixed feelings as of the moment. don't know whether i should be jumping for joy or crying my heart out. tomorrow is my last day at work. i absolutely loOove the work that i have been doing for the past year! nothing can compare to the fulfillment i get, knowing that i am making a difference in somebody's life.

but sometimes it isn't enough. i have to be practical. you can't always get or do what we want. we live in a oppressive capitalist world after all. plus there are other factors to consider. i have only been working for less than two years. i've been sheltered all my life from the realities of the world. what do i know about what i want in life?

I don’t know. nobody ever asked my opinion and i never insisted on sharing them. why? after analyzing theories on how my mind operates, i have come to several possible scenarios:

1. i was raised to be mute. following the patriarchal society, women este girls (inside joke) do not have the right to their own opinions. you have to take in and follow everything that they say. i am bound to these rules while im still living in this household. the only way out is to move out, literally. and i dont have the moolah to make it happen! (maybe in 5 years or so or when i get married; whichever comes first)
2. i don't have an opinion. i just don't. may reklamo?
3. i don't like to argue. some people feel a kind of high when they fight for what they believe in. i do too, but i don't think i have to push my ideas. they have minds of their own. no need to convince them. i think everybody has a point.
4. sometimes it is better to just listen. you will learn a lot from other people. (actually this is just a tactic to hide the fact that you don't know a single thing about the discussion. better do this with accompanying hand-head gestures to make it more convincing.)
5. i am shy. i have this fear of speaking for myself. expressing myself. speaking in front of people. i still live in the closet. (why do you think i made this blog?)

anyways, i have one month to think things over and evaluate what my priorities are. plus, i have my whole life to make mistakes and correct them. i'll worry about them later. for now, back to my annual report....